He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
