You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
