we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize