You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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