Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
