No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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