I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
