My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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