you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
