Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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