fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
