Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
