i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize