bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
