Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
