I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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