ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
