I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
