i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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