I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
