So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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