she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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