I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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