i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
