My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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