I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
