It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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