I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
