I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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