im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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