Got a toothbrush?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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