so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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