Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
