It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
