He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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