She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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