i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
