I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
