So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you traded sex for a burrito?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
