We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
