I could have mohawked her pubes.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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