I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
