that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
