He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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