this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
