Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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