I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
