I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize