I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
