i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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