This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
