remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
