The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
