I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
