I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
