I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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