john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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