Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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