Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
