He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
