the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
