is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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