You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
