i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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