I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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