I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
