There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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