no. you can't hotbox the world.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
