My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
