I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
