I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
