# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
