So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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