Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
