he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
