New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
nutella sex= disaster
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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