So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
