exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
