I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
