The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
