I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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