so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
