dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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