you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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