if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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