I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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